Character Building Family Stories (CBFS): Wearing Shorts

What follows here is a story passed down from my parents about my behavior as a young child.  While the details may not be 100% accurate, the gist is in the delivery.

Growing up, there was a park near our house.  We went there so much we just called it "Our Park."  They had the good swings that were could make you go really high, especially if my dad gave us "catdogs" (when he would push the swing so high the slack of the chains would snap) or "underdogs" (less fun, he would push us and run underneath the swing). 

One February morning in Modesto, our family was getting ready to go to Our Park.  February in Modesto usually has highs in the mid fifties, and this day was no exception.  Despite the blistering cold I was hell bent on getting to wear shorts to the park, and apparently threw a tantrum while getting dressed.  I have a suspicion it looked something like this (although I hope I was not still in diapers).  You know, methodical, planned and much, much louder.

I hate when people tell you what to wear, and when I was little it was no different.  Although my childhood pictures will show clothes were not really my thing, if I wanted to wear something else, dammit I was going to!  After much screaming, threatening, kicking and whining, I went to the park bundled up.  It was gray outside and pretty cold, but I wouldn't help but think about how unhappy I was in the outfit I was wearing.  Oh well...fast forward to the park.  My family and I were having a picnic (possibly the funnest thing you can do, even as an adult) and I was trying to maintain tear stained cheeks to remind my parents how pissed I was.  A homeless woman wandered over near our blanket and started going through the trash (After living in San Francisco for 6 years this behavior doesn't make me think twice.  In fact, the trash cans have a top part that you can put your recyclables in so that the scavengers can get them easier.).  She pulled out a stained Taco Bell bag, and started eating whatever was in it.

I was watching her like a hawk, and my parents were watching me thinking "Oh Sh*t, please don't let our loudmouth daughter say anything about the woman who just pulled garbage out of the trash and is eating it in front of our family."  With a slow evil turn I managed to look at my parents, both with surprise and vengeance and I screamed "Well, how come SHE gets to wear SHORTS!!!!"  I want to think that this comment was actually a relief to my parents, since they were anticipating something embarrassing, right?  I wasn't grossed out by her behavior, I was furious at the fact that SHE got to wear shorts that day and my parents had told me over and over NO NO NO!!  Even now I get a little bit heated about what I wear and when, and now that I am an adult, nobody can tell me NO. 

Me and my shorts, in happier times.

Until next time, I will be cutting the legs off of all my pants.  It's summer right?